I planned to write this blog about six months ago but didn’t get round to it. I just spoke about it & when it came to tapping the keyboard, I kept making excuses. But I’ve finally done it & have been fortunate enough to have it published & hopefully read & enjoyed by a few of you!
Even though I was excited about the opportunity, I had never done anything quite like it before. The thought of what to write really baffled me. After some considerable thought, I had a lightbulb moment & realised I wanted to share how I grew up & developed as a person over the past year.
It all started in November 2016. That is where I would say my journey began. When people say bad things come in three’s, they’re not wrong.. In my case anyway!
Number one: I broke up with my partner of five years
Number two: I became homeless, as a result of the break up.
Number three: I changed jobs
So it was then that I decided to change my life. I’d simply had enough. I felt depressed, scared & supressed. I knew that I was an adult, & therefore it was time to act like one! So there & then, I made the firm decision to change my life. I’d deal with the ‘aftermath’ later. Before I relay story number one, a gentle warning, it may get a little cliché!
THE BREAK UP
Mine was like any other break up. We no longer saw anything positive in the relationship. We did nothing but focus on the negatives. It was utterly draining. We no longer had respect for each other & couldn’t agree on anything. I’d sometimes even ask myself if I even knew my partner anymore. How did I let it get it get to that stage? There was a sudden realisation that it definitely wasn’t what I’d signed up for.
Both of us were too afraid of change & admitting that either of us were in the wrong. That being the case, we didn’t want to do anything about it. But at the end of the day it came down to happiness, & that’s certainly something we didn’t have. So I decided enough was enough & had to make the final call. It was in my power to make myself happy again.
I struggled to stay positive throughout this change. I felt like I’d hit rock bottom. I just kept trying to remind myself that there was a bigger picture. Everyone goes through breakups & the accompanying rollercoaster rides associated with them. This thought made it slightly easier to put things into perspective.
As a result of the break up I was left homeless. (My partner & I lived together) I stayed at a friends place for a few weeks. That really helped me out in a tough time but not having your own space & somewhere you can call your own home is difficult. However during this time I met my Space Cowboy (as I like to call him). Some may have called him a guardian angel. This is where my journey truly began where challenging my negativity was concerned. This was all about seeing life in a glass half full find of way. Space Cowboy was someone I felt strongly attracted to & I was acutely aware that it was because of his personality. He had an incredible motivational aura about him. It was like nothing I’d ever come across before. After spending a solid two weeks in his company, I honestly felt like a different person. He’s a traveller at heart, very ambitious & adventurous. We had an amazing time, but that bright flame came to a swift end.
On the positive side, we still keep in touch. Anyway, the reason I’ve mentioned him here is because he was the one responsible for introducing me to ‘The Secret’. This is the book that changed my life. It’s all about ‘The Law of Attraction’ In the new thought philosophy the law of attraction is the belief that by focusing on positive or negative thoughts a person brings positive or negative experiences into their life. I really wanted my new home to be a sanctuary. I had pictured a beautiful flat near the beach. And what did I find… exactly that. Just seven minutes walk from the sea front, it was the perfect location for my soul.
This was just the first steps of my transformational journey. The book led me to challenge the negative feelings I held. It led me to understand my negative thoughts. The first thing I focussed on was my anxiety. I really suffered from this. To combat it, I became mindful of each time I felt anxious & consciously asked myself ‘why’ – What was the cause of that thought? I told myself that if it was something I couldn’t control, then it must not control my mind. I worked on this for some time, in fact, I’m still working on this now. Being positive isn’t an overnight process. It doesn’t just materialise with a click of a finger. Its takes effort, but there are tools to help you. ‘The Secret’ tells you to feel gratitude for what you already have. I wrote a list of memories, songs & things that generally make me happy. Every time I felt/feel angry, sad or anxious I simply look at that list. Something on that list will always make me smile. One of the other tools has been to surround myself with positive people. It has really helped in both my personal & work life. Both are just as important as the other. We spend a huge portion of our lives at work. Ensuring we are surrounded by positive people enriches our working day & ensures development at the same time.
This wasn’t a bad thing at all, in fact, I could say it was the most amazing career move I’ve experienced to date. The only bad thing was the pure timing of ‘starting’ my new role. On the other hand, if we’re being glass half full, perhaps it was perfect timing. You see, I started my new job the Monday after my relationship breakup & losing my home.
Ok, some of you may be sat there thinking, so what? That’s life, get on with it! But I felt the effects. Maslow’s Hierarchy talks about basic human needs in its finest. At base level is safety. That includes such things as food, water, warmth & shelter. This was my main focus at that time, so I put myself in that category. Working my way up from that base level to acquire a new home, new job & generally gaining stability again, was the most exhilarating challenge yet in my personal life.
Being presented this new job was the greatest opportunity ever. I have a solid business background & have studied the subject since my teens. I continued with this focus throughout college & university. After completing my placement year as part of my degree, I was certain that what I wanted to do in life was to help others develop. (I considered the fact that I knew what I wanted to do as quite lucky in light of the fact that my mum is 47 & still doesn’t have a clue as to what she wants from life!)
Initially I worked for an organisational development within the University. This gave me an insight into corporate training. After watching a colleague (who has since become a great friend!) deliver a training session in such an inspiring fashion, it sealed the deal. It was done in such a fun & informative way. I had an instant lightbulb moment & thought, ‘this’ is what ‘I’ want to do! It wasn’t easy to get into the profession as its one of those catch 22 situations. You need experience to be a trainer but someone needs to give you a chance in the first place to enable that to happen.
On leaving University I became a Junior Training Consultant for a small business of 10 employees (including myself!). The role encompassed administration, designing material & conducting research into topics. I also organised training with clients, upselling where appropriate. It was a great role, however during my time with this company I found it hard to be positive. My boss wasn’t what you would call ‘supportive’. To the contrary, she was controlling & simply didn’t give me a chance. I’m not sure why exactly, but I could sense & feel that she just didn’t like me. Its strange that sometimes our first impressions can actually be so wrong! I managed to last nine months before throwing in the towel & handing in my notice. I simply couldn’t take it anymore. It was awful having to walk on egg shells in the fear that my boss could be in one of her moods. My sensitive soul can't take such things! I didn’t have a job lined up before I handed them the piece of paper, but honestly didn’t care. It was that bad. Anyway, where one door closes, another one opens! The next day I contacted a lady at a recruitment agency and hey presto, a new position miraculous appeared. Admittedly only a temporary role, but with immediate start.
This role was within an HR department but in a training capacity. The temporary contract actually ended up lasting seven months. Whilst not as bad as the last, it still wasn’t shall we say, ideal?! I pretty much knew from day one that it wasn’t for me but persevered regardless. They didn’t care about their staff at all. Being a people person, & trainer by profession, this is top of my list. Helping others is second nature to me. So seeing a company, in effect, abuse their staff was more than I could tolerate. Outwardly it may not have been evident, but I certainly felt it under the surface. (For those of you who know the ‘Iceberg model’ you’ll know what I mean)
My friend, who also worked at this same company, was a trainer. She’d left for a better opportunity at a great company. She raved about it all the time, particularly how the company looked after their staff. She said they were amazing because their core values of being ab ethical company really aligned with my beliefs. ‘I’ wanted to work there. My strong independent lady guardian angel was looking out for me. She contacted me to let me know about a possible opportunity that might be coming up in her department.
My head was going at 100,000 miles an hour. Being the expressive type, you can imagine the excitement I was feeling. A couple of months down the line I was interviewed & got the role! I was so happy with the result. This is my third job since leaving university nearly two years ago. Finally I can say I’ve got my dream job! And when I say dream, I mean it! In fact its better than I ever could have imagined. I get to work with my great friend & one of the most supportive managers I could have wished for. It's definitely a hitting home moment. The fact I have manager that really spends time developing me, this was my ‘Chance Guardian Angel’. She took a chance in me & saw the potential beyond the surface. Being able to showcase my passion for helping others develop alongside my positive attitude leave me speechless. Gratitude is a great feeling. Loving Mondays is a great feeling too!
I feel like I’ve rambled on enough. The point of the first blog is that life can really be what you want it to be. The law of attraction really does work. I am living proof of that! I was sick & tired of playing the victim all my life. I needed to grow a pair b***s & do what I wanted to do with my life. The first step was quitting my victim attitude & looking at life from a new perspective. Without my Space Cowboy, Strong Independent Ladies & Chance Guardian Angels, I wouldn’t be here. So gratitude again. I feel so lucky to have the most amazing human beings in my life. I wouldn’t have recognised or seen these opportunities with my victim mind-set. The hardest challenge is getting yourself out of the negativity hamster wheel & seeing the light that’s before you!
So many times I have heard the saying ‘dust yourself off & try again’! The hardest part of that saying is just recognising that it's what you need to do!
The sooner you accept the fact that life is a rollercoaster & you just have to ride it, you will view each challenge as a positive learning experience. The world will become your oyster & you will achieve anything you want.
The way I changed my mind-set was to surround myself with positive people as well as using tools to aid the cause, namely ‘The Secret’. This book gave me a starting point, enabling me to visualise my goals & manifest my dreams.
FOOD FOR THOUGHT:
Thoughts really do become things!
Lots of love & positive vibes
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